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05:39pm 07/09/2007
  new game


(everything is permitted)

09:18am 11/11/2004
  It was with great disappointment that we discovered that a student in the class decided to steal a copy of the quiz last week and distribute it to others in the class, who then used it to study for the quiz. Stealing an exam or quiz, distributing it to others, or using it to study are all violations of basic ethical standards, which we assume all students will follow. Please be aware that ALL these activities, INCLUDING using the exam to study, are also violations of the University Academic Honesty Policy and Code of Conduct, and, as such, are considered to be activities that qualify as academic misconduct. The University’s Office of Judicial Affairs handles cases of academic misconduct; among the actions they can take are placing students on academic probation or suspension, or expelling students from the University. This is a serious matter and is being treated as such by us and by the faculty of the Department of Bioscience.

I can’t tell you how incredibly disappointed we are that some of you have chosen to violate the trust we placed in you as honest, hard-working students. We placed that trust in you without question; our trust apparently was not well-placed for at least a few of you. This is a time in your life when you should be acting responsibly and as adults; apparently that is not the case for some of you. Also, for those who participated, know you have violated the trust of your fellow classmates and colleagues, since some of you have chosen to try to improperly and unethically gain an advantage over others. As a result of this, we will be taking several actions to prevent this from occurring again, as we can no longer assume that the trust we would like to place in ALL the students in the class is justified.

(5 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

02:02pm 28/10/2004
  trying to manuver around difficult social situations was worrying me yesterday, and i didn't know if i could contort myself enough to get away with what i wanted to without any negative repercussions... everything started taking on this dark and doomed vibe... like i was a corpse walking around in a dirty and wretched world... but after sitting in the sunshine for a bit i just felt this overwhelming vibe of goodness overcome me... everything took on a bright and optimistic aura... my mind is like a whirl wind of thoughts... being consistantly the same person for a whole day has become impossible... i keep taking on new masks... my ego complex is non existant...

it is bizarre how you can just fly into different states of consciousness without any chemical enhancemnet, only with your own perception and interpretation... one or two days ago my mind went absolutely wild with the inspiration to be bohemian and outre... during the summer i was comletely draw into the idea of secret societies and vast empires of wealth... last spring i was absolutely enthralled by nazi occultism... before that i wanted to be aristocratic and good looking... and in all of these experiences i totally dissociate and enter fantasy world... it is a sort of shamanistic invokation... a sort of unsolicited trance... i wonder what effect they have on mundane reality...

(25 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

07:50pm 27/10/2004
  i did my astrological chart... the first two are extremely acurate and surprisingly specific, but the rest are either vague or wrong...
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(everything is permitted)

04:01pm 25/10/2004
  saturday i pledged... they blindfolded all of the pledges with our own ties and we walked into a room... i don't think i am permitted to elaborate any more... so after the pledging we went to eat at an italian restaurant and after that we partied... most of the pledges drank champaign, though there were a suprisingly large amount of people who didn't drink... the frat is very restrained and responsible, atleast compared to the sotries i ahve heard from other frats... when it was my turn i just snapped the bottle upright and drank... unfortunately this caused the bottle to fountain and it was a mess... i went out later with two other people... the two of them were tripping while i only drank... the boy i was with was very naseus so he stayed in his room while i walked around wiht the girl till six in the morning... the streets were empty ad the expeirence was very dream like... i think being around people who are tripping rubs off on you... the scene at six int he morning was most memorable... we sat were in the penn campus talking about here past boyfriends sitting under a lamp light... while the conversation was interesting, it was the atmosphere that most stongly stayed with me... i wouldn't even know how to begin to describe it...

sunday i went clubbing... i went with a bunch of people to shampoo... at first things were slow, and no one was dancing... but me and one of the boys (well actually the only boy who came... i think he was the one who organised the whole thing) just danced anyway... the music at first was mediocre remixed disco, but then it became like hard house and it was a lot of fun... the dream machine was turned on and even though i didn't drink or take anything i really got into it... there were lot's of interesting looking people there who i wish i could have talked to, but i was sober so i didn't dare to... we left the club early (at like 1:30) because it was a school night... after a while standing on the corner, we took a taxi back, and i realised i had a 400 word essay due for 'university 101', which somehow slipped my mind... i was so sore after the club and i was feeling a little naseus so even sitting down to do the thing was a feet of selfdiscipline... what is worse is that the essay had to be submitted online by 7 am, so i stayed up, reread a story and wrote the essay... everything worked out well though because the professor guarantees an 'A' as long as you submit it on time and, because i still got my 9 hours of sleep...

(5 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

02:51pm 19/10/2004
  meticulous map of my brain:
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(2 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

06:18pm 18/10/2004
  cut up:
reality explodes... i see from many angles... i walk but i get lost in thought... i speak with many voices... each voice an archtype... my mind is a boardroom... but when the discussion pauses... warning: objects may not be as close as they appear... i decide i need to clean up... the colours are off... i want a picture but i forget to take it... i forget a lot... i am such a freak...

look at these

Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

(everything is permitted)

10:41pm 17/10/2004
  i carved my family crest into a wooden block...
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(4 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

03:06pm 14/10/2004
  A transgressive poem I wrote:

Negating all karma points
I've ever earned
by tossing a penny
into ground zero
amongst other scattered coins
and making a wish.
(Oh shame on us!
The way I justified it,
we were paying the fare
for the lost souls
to cross the river
into the afterlife.
This excuses nothing.
I dont know what
we were thinking.
I'll probably die
young for doing that.)


(21 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

04:49pm 11/10/2004
  i went back home to new york on a chinatown bus for the weeked... i went with apashanota... the first day we walked all around the village and chinatown... i found an electricians box with bizarre wod carvings inside... i brought it home... we went back to staten island and we ran through the cemetary to get to my house from the train at like two in the morning... we ran through the cemetary every day (the nights in a row) we were there to get to my house form the train... the second day we met up with 1_2_3_17.. she took us to a funky futuristic tea black right off of saint marks street... i had the mango green tea wich was wonderful... apashanota had this weird purple soy milk tea with tapioca which she didn't like, so i boght it from her... i personally thought it tasted like dreams but to each hir own... we also met these random people in washington square park (one of which who was from drexel... finally after it became late at night we went back to staten island... when getting off of the ferry we missed the train so we just talked for an hour... 1_2_3_17 told a story about this spooky psychic lady with bad vibes that came to her mothers maine inn... sunday me and apashanota saw the producers on broard way... i like the dancing swastica scene and the flagrant director scenes... the play was fun but a bit over the top at some points... monday (today) we got up early and got on the china town bus to go to drexel... i brought my bomber jacket as well as the electricians box and a few uncarved slabs of wood... today i carved and painted one of those pieces of wood... here are some pictures:
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(3 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

09:02pm 07/10/2004
< --:://CUT-UP\\::-- >

all i need is a ghastly thing-- sick-- sick unto death with myself each day to show it was a new day opened up new doubt in me whether or not to say: what if i know me. The curtains cover what i need to find. the way for 29 signs pointing the way to soft velvet. You shall not regret it. The whole house was sick-- sick of torture which will await me to show it. i blame your love. i was framed. There came, through it, all will surround you. so focus hard on what after admitting i'm wrong. so light this feeling at once just won't cut it at all. the passion is over. sorry just won't cut it. bad enough you are at a deadly location.

I, through it was the first time when everything was now. I started to be the best of it. was that now an exaggeration!
In a long note to myself i aksed, why is it all, as of the way hollow seems like a little scar that keeps on going nowhere. it even seems like nothing has changed. maybe some laughter will make you think about what your smile will let me no more. In death my feelings can't forget the dungeons where you shall feel me. But, nevermore. As if to know everyday that's really surreal. running softly away outside you know everyday that's all these. You are one of thbe somethings, but words seem to usher change.

And then it became hollow, by the way, but you go and wait for you love and with that I felt that something happened. but you open up in a hideous-- hollow way and smile. no more fighting than what you to find at the point of something sharp. to see you want someone always hurt. this was deemed a terrible exaggeration!

editors note: sorry for the angsty cut-ups... i am mixing a little poe into my new ones... they come out so much more dramatic decadent and spooky...

(everything is permitted)

06:35pm 07/10/2004
  i had cought a cold and couldn't fall asleep till three in the morning... my nose has been stuffy for the last few days and it has been terrible... we disected a fetal pig in biolab, but i kept sneezing all over it... the scene was just disgusting... not only was the thing oozing with blood and bile but it had snot on it...  

(2 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

04:34pm 05/10/2004
+a cutup+

She and darkness felt like yelling too a ghastly river, like yourself until it was a mad rushing descent, as if to kick and scream. She began to usher in madness. Skin and sanity irrevocably overthrown, now the species of the entering gust. I can never break you, not even in the dungeons, there as if without name-- but she smiles knowing that she can understand what she knew, that she ran ahead into Hades. All in the meanwhile, she screamed. This island may be far from an object that long caused her agony, the squeezing. I would have rid myself of her. How dare I. But with how terrible an incarnate nightmare that long agony I saw she knew, I forgave. Clearly in the grave all sensations appeared swallowed up. Finally the spirit of darkness supervened; even bit her neck from land, She called the darkness to intervene; how strange, a world above the broken neck. Within a moment not a coward on the bedpost, it was deadly- darkness hungers and looking at only one point. The air. Her heart-- it was out forever, I had none of it I said slowly as she lost. And then all the rope about the rope. The pain. You bitch! I hissed in a hideous burst tears rush out and catch me. I implore her to swallow her bad behavior and all will be still! Once you’re lost all is chilling and hate consumes me. There came, and irrevocable overthrew the vast weight-- but yet you could. The paining in a rope about vampires were true. There was not the cold air. While I wondered she ran on into nothingness; the bedpost, the grave all is landed on one end, my bed were in my home for when really I was given a chance to return. while you lay broken in dirt!?

(everything is permitted)

11:36am 05/10/2004

after 7 days, you step out of your creator. that man is your physician. he is perhaps evil. you come now with that bitter knowledge and cry: "alas, that his best is so animal, alas, that this rhymes" -- this choked me, my chattering where the throat is. When the soothsayer's world lies before me, nothing is worth while. Knowledge? there are words and sounds limping before me, sad rainbows and elusive bridges, drunken with death, speaking ideas eternally apart.

(everything is permitted)

11:57pm 03/10/2004
  cut up:

like a heavy rain, the human aura, oftenly denied to many, can be percieved as a point which fills your consciousness with greater light. you can and should observe how to purify it like one of the angels. you truly have it when men hold the master. joy shall be in one and all. never concern yourself with just probing the aura over, but with that which you need no more repentance. it is what is good and true about the world and will manifest with advanced discipline, should god come literally, rolling through, without discimination.

(everything is permitted)

12:17pm 30/09/2004
  a cut-up:

stop cries our heart! my eyes map her body. coldly the ritual continues. her finger is on my lip. i do not speak. backwards, she traces my tear. we are alone, everything permissible. i close all eyes. the world is night and the subject has no end. who dares? when god is dead.

(everything is permitted)

08:22pm 26/09/2004
  saturday i met up with my highschool friend... i drank with her friends a bit and then we all went to a football game... i had no idea what was going on... the team we were cheering for was loosing badly and we ended up leaving at the begining of the fourth quater... her friends were wonderful... they just had an aire of nobility to them... we went searching for frat parties with hard liquere and no entrance fee... we never found a party that satified the former condition... but i drank anyway... i was gone... i shared a cigarette with my highschool friends roommate... we went back to my suite where i kissed her and she tasted amazing... afterwards i walked her back to her dorm... finally i went to sleep...

friday i dressed up as a flip flop at the kerry rally... and chanted pro bush sayings with the college republicans...

(everything is permitted)

01:50pm 12/09/2004
  four pictures from my cruise:
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(33 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

10:34pm 12/08/2004
  Poem writted via random word generator:
I am a man of nobility
gathered upon a brittle palace
washing my hands of glass
to keeping her asleep
because my wrist can't write why
my lady eclipses everyones beauty
and tempts me to hear her jaw chew rocks
which I lift from the clouds of pasture

(2 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)

09:49am 12/08/2004
  i have been fasting for over 48 hours by now... i get headrushes very easily and they last for almost a minute... i feel exhausted and off balance... even more so because i was very active yesterday exploring brooklyn and walking to kings plaza in the torrential downpour... the problem is not so much that i am hungry... but that i am bored... being to tried to leave my house i cannot help but watch tv or stay on the internet today...nothing interesting is happening on the news and day time television is torture... i am going into this neer catatonic mindless state... i couldn't sleep properly, which is rare for me... worse yet i woke up rediculously early... despite all of these awful effects i must admit this was an experience worth having... but still... i think i am going to go eat now...

ok four hours later and i am finally done with breakfast... oh god that was good... so here is another cigarrete story... i still haven't opened my new pack and i am craving a cigarette... i want to save the tasty cloves for special occasions so i search for my fathers secret stash of smokes... it seems he has figured out i have been borrowing them so he hid them else where... i look everywhere and still cannot find them... so then i look for my sister's cigarettes... she should be smoking either so i am doing both of them a favour... i find them hidden in a music box and take one... i walk out on the terrace and indulge... the world slows down to a leasurely pace and my mind begins to appreciate the weather, especially the soft and warm wind... god, life is so beautiful...

...sdrawrof sa sdrawkcab ylkciuq sa etirw od i hguoht neve ...suoineg icnivad on ma i esoppus i ...tnirp nialp ni rehtar tub ,tpircs ycnaf emos ni etirw t'ndid i ...tfel ot thgir morf etirw dluow i dna sdrawkcab yltcaxe eb dluow rettel yreve dna hcae ...dlrow rorrim a ni nettirw saw egap eht ekil ti etirw dluow i si eno siht ekil txet eht gnirutcurts neht rehtar tpecxe ...sdrawkcab etirw ot evol ot desu i regnuoy saw i nehw rebmemer i

(6 say nothing is true and | everything is permitted)